


You Forgot the Mustard

by wittykitsune



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Birthday, Food, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-07 23:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wittykitsune/pseuds/wittykitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat decides to attempt to make Dave one of his favorite lunches for his Birthday, unfortunately he's missing something and a substitution may be in order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Forgot the Mustard

Karkat stood before the frying pan watching the four meat patties brown as they popped and crackled. The bacon was cooked and off to the side in a cooler spot to just keep warm. He layered on the cheese to melt when they were just about done and slid them out of the pan and onto open buns. He was excited to say the least. He'd been working hard to cook this one human meal for Dave's twenty second birthday. Double bacon cheeseburgers, just how they liked them.

Neither of them could do much better than frozen food and some simple comfort, but this was his first seemingly flawless execution of burgers. They hadn't fallen apart and they were neither underdone nor burnt. On Dave's slightly toasted buns he'd already spread ketchup and some shredded lettuce. Bacon had gone on before the burger he chose for Dave's top. The second he laid on the bottom one before arranging his own which was much liked Dave's except it also had mayo. Dave still teased him about the fucking mayo.

He put his together and poured on part of the still warm homemade kettle chips, Karkat would have eaten them while cooking if he had so much as tasted them. Those even if the burger was a flop he knew Dave loved. He would have closed Dave's but he remembered he needed to give him just a little mustard in the center. He opened the fridge and grabbed the yellow bottle to give it a squeeze but nothing came out. "Fuck..." He nearly ripped off the cap when he unscrewed it and he looked in. It was empty inside and not even the most fervent scraping would give him enough to be worth how cold the burgers would get in the meantime. 

Panic began to set in. He threw the bottle into the near empty trash can hard enough that he had to stop it tipping. No mustard. Dave would know it wasn't there. He talked about he liked just a tad, just enough to give him a kick. Karkat went back to the fridge to look for a substitute. Rooster sauce would be a kick but he knew while Dave liked it on many things including his popcorn now and then it wouldn't be welcome on his bacon cheeseburger. He didn't like it comboed with bacon. Mayo wasn't a kick and he'd ask if they'd swapped. Relish had too much texture and Dave hated pickles on his burgers.

Karkat was about to let out a frustrated whimper and take it to him sans special kick when he spotted the apple jelly. It wouldn't be the same as having mustard but Dave seemed to love that jelly and he had eaten it on his peanut butter, jelly, and bacon sandwiches last week. He grabbed a spoon from the drawer and got out just enough to spread it thinly in the middle. It was yellow at least, even if the wrong shade. He picked up the plates and hurried to the living room. Dave had one of his favorite road trip movies ready to go.  

"Happy Birthday." He handed Dave his plate and hoped that he wouldn't notice the difference. He really hoped he wouldn't open the burger to inspect it.

"Glad you came in here with it I was about to get my ass in the kitchen for some grazing." Dave took it and inhaled the smell before he smirked. "You shouldn't spoil me like this. You're going to get me think we can actually pull off this cooking shit."

"I'd have chased you out with a wooden spoon if you so much as touched a kettle chip." Karkat popped one into his mouth to crunch, trying to relax and not give away something was off.

"All decked out in your 'taste my crabapple pie' apron? Yes please." Dave only snickered when Karkat elbowed him lightly. He picked up his burger and Karkat watched him while he bit into his own. Dave sat there chewing the bite and Karkat watched his pleased expression turn to curious. 

When he quickly took a second one after pausing the movie Karkat couldn't help asking, "Dave, is something wrong with it? I-" 

He stopped him by holding his hand up in front of him and he took a third bite and chewed it slower before swallowing. "Karkat. You have made me the best bacon cheeseburger I've ever had the pleasure of having pass my lips. I don't know if it is the brand of bacon or the cheese pick. Fuck it might even be down to the ketchup. It's fucking amazing. I've only got one complaint and I'm not even sure I should utter it. Even without it this is food of the gods and for the gods. The us gods even."

"Dave."

"No, I don't want to ruin this culinary vision of yours with petty critique. This is a preference not a state emergency."

"Dave."

"No, I won't hear of it. I won't ruin this masterpiece. This top of the burger heap, this divinity in sandwich form. This burger ambrosia. This-"

"DAVE." 

"Yes, Karkat?" He took another bite. 

"I forgot the mustard."

"Yeah, I figured that. I heard the mournful cry of an empty mustard bottle from in here. Little whistle isn't hard to recognize." He smiled at him and licked a dab of ketchup off his own sandy brown cheek. "I have to say I love the substitution. I know that sound of that jar anywhere too. Butter knife on glass jelly jar is a trademark in my mind."

"So it is actually good." Karkat frowned at him slightly.

"I'm going to eat every bite and maybe even lick my plate after. Your apple jelly bacon cheeseburger will be getting a glowing review. Five stars to the head chef of the Vantas Strider kitchen. Also the kettle chips are perfect as always."

Karkat couldn't help cracking a smile and he shook his head. "Just don't take any selfies with it."

"Oh shit thanks for reminding me. Can't wait until my followers get a lot of this shit. Happy Birthday to me." Dave held his phone out to take a picture of the plate and him.

Karkat pressed his hand to his face but hide his mouth behind him palm. "You're something else."  

"One of a kind. Don't even try to duplicate. Oh hey, you want a bite?" 

"You keep that thing, it gave me enough hassle in the kitchen with the great mustard drought. It might come back for revenge with the apple jelly indigestion."

"More perfection for me then, nice. Perfect burger, perfect side, perfect movie, and a perfect birthday with my perfect lover." Dave bounced his brows and cooed.

"Keep that teasing up and I'll be laughing so much the rest of today that you'll want to sleep on our prefect couch to get the fuck away from me."

"Heh, never."

**Author's Note:**

> For the contest at http://divisio.tumblr.com/post/71934807124/davekat-contest-with-semi-awesome-prizes.


End file.
